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Thursday, October 27, 2011

Why Not Invite the Occupiers to Your House?

Worried about the treatment some of the imitation Occupy Wall Street protesters are receiving from their friendly, neighborhood police operatives? Fretting that the fuzz lack a proper amount of empathy and restraint in the pursuit of law and order for the greater society? Here's your answer: Invite the rag-tag mob to demonstrate and camp out for weeks on end in front of your own house. Sure, it only makes sense. If you feel that the anti-capitalist activists are misunderstood by the ham-handed authorities and are being manhandled by the cops, provide them with a safe harbor on your personal property, whether it's in the city or the suburbs. Think about it: You could have hundreds, if not thousands, of people of all stripes blocking traffic on your block; you could watch with great satisfaction as the legions of the grossly unhappy lay waste to your frontyard and, perhaps, your backyard as well, as they set up makeshift living enclosures. As the fabled "Seinfeld" quasi-lawyer Jackie Chiles might have put it, "It's a case of urination, defecation and fornication _ it's an abomination." And you could be the proud owner and enabler of all of the above. Absolutely fabulous. Just what the Leninist doctor ordered. So, all of you bleeding hearts out there, take matters into your own tender hands. Invite the fetid folks on down. Nourish them. Comfort them. Encourage them. Give them loads of TLC. Welcome them all to your Thanksgiving dinner. Let 'em squat. An endless supply of double-ply Charmin wouldn't be a bad idea as well.

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