AT&T Garlic Fries: A Formula for Colonic Disaster

Attending a Giants' baseball game at AT&T Park is like going to a party. The promotions and marketing people who work for the professional ballclub outdo themselves on a regular basis. It doesn't matter who the Giants are playing. The score is almost irrelevant. The fun and games off the diamond are really where it's at. Baseball purists aren't thrilled about some of the ludicrous activity (think Panda hats, awkward Ball Dudes, the former unlamented Melkmen, Gamer Babes, etc.). But the paying customers, especially kids, seem to enjoy it. Which is fine. But there is one aspect of Giants' ballgames that needs some attention. The AT&T garlic fries have become exercises in gastric distress. Whew, when they say "garlic," that's what they mean. In spades. A small amount of this ballpark menu item can keep your wobbly stomach and tender colon gasping for relief well into the following day and night. Your breath is unsuitable for the Caltrain ride home. The chefs might as well just call it "garlic with fries as an afterthought." Belching later isn't just an option, it's required. There's enough trapped gas after a game adjacent to McCovey Cove to fuel a PG&E power plant for a fortnight. Bring on the Beano. We've got an emergency here.